Beyond the Introduction...Why I Hate Blogs

First of all, I hate the word blog. It's stupid. Would you want to be called "blog"? Would you want to be described as "bloggish" or "bloggenly"? Guys, would you ever go up to a girl and tell her you're an amateur blogger or even a professional one? Girls, do you think blogging is sexy?

Secondly, they're boring--reading them and writing them. I yawn and squirm. Some people lead truly extraordinary lives, but they oftentimes don't have time to sit down and type. It's the billions of lame ass clowns like me who have all this free time, yet nothing even remotely interesting to blog about. Again, welcome to my blog.

I could waste my time (and yours) typing out my favorite salad dressing recipe (that no one would bother making) or bore you with family photos including close-up shots of my sister's stupid dogs getting their bellies scratched, but whatever.

But whatever...what a great way to end a thought.

Oil and Vinegar Dressing:

1) Put salad in a bowl or salad dish. Stop complaining, you anus. This is the easy part.
2) Pour in some extra virgin olive oil. I don't know how much--just eyeball it.
3) Throw in some balsamic vinegar. Again, just guess. If you like vinegar, consider adding a lot.
4) Sprinkle salt and pepper on top.
5) Get your basil, oregano, garlic powder, and parsley in the mix. Fresh is best, but if you don't care or don't have it, just use the dry stuff.
6) Mix it. If you're a professional, use a salad mixer. If you're like the rest of us, just use a couple of forks or spoons. Be creative. Whatever.
7) Enjoy.

Seriously, this has got to be boring you.

Go for a walk. With 90% of Americans overweight, getting off your wobbly cottage cheese ass is probably just what the doctor ordered.

Read a book. If you can't read, get a book on tape. There are plenty about adventures you'll never go on and cool people you'll never meet. Buy a magazine and look at the pictures. Don't be a waste of life. Inspired yet?

Make my dressing and pour it on your head. Massage that virgin olive oil into your scalp. Pour it on your dog. Look at all those spices you've wasted. People used to go to war over spices. People have died over spices. You pour yours on your head.

Granted, some blogs are fun to read, but I'd much rather be having sex.